People watching

I always wondered what made it so exciting and all time consuming. Wondering what thoughts consumed  someone else's mind. Why they chose to wear what they did that day. Who they were headed to meet. Maybe they were waiting to meet a loved one. 

What interests me the most is seeing a couple sitting together. And watching their body language. And slowly and alarmist stalkingly, weaving their story in my head. 

Inspiration today was the picture below at this lovely coffee shop. 

My lucky day - three couples! Well two and half at the moment. 

Wonder where hearts are breaking, where future plans being harvested, where loved ones are being waited for. 

Off to some day dreaming now 

Hmmm

Do you ever wonder if life is passing you by without anything significant happening? Something that leaves your mark on the world? Or maybe this is just the 30s syndrome hitting me...

I'm thinking not. I strongly believe that complacency leads to dullness of the mind, a lacklustre performance, and a life without any drive in it. So when did I choose to become this way? Was it a conscious decision or did I just become one of the many 32 year olds who just celebrates others achievements. Don't get me wrong, there is no self pity here, just a strangely large amount of anger at letting my ambitions go south. 

So let's kill this procrastination. Delete that stupid candy crush from my phone. Pick up those books hanging on my bookshelf waiting to be read. Starting those conversations with people I've been meaning to learn from. And you know what, finally signing up for that MOOC I've been researching for 2 years now. 

How wrong can the above decisions really go? :) 

Till the next rant....

The thing about today

The smell of wet mud when the garden is watered every evening...

The look on cupids face once he's finished his meal

The first sip of coffee every morning...

The laaaaziness of a saturday morning

The middle of a good book

The first bite of a good dessert..

Recieving a handwritten card

Losing my self for a moment in a perfect day dream

Borrowed

Im counting the street lights
Its all I can do
While drivin myself crazy
Tryin to get to you

Feels wrong at the right times
To review my rear
Im doing the worst I can
To make you understand…

Baby one day you will know
How hard it is for me to show to you..
Running thru my soul
Baby… one day you will know…

Thought for the last 8 years

Now I don’t know if this is a factor of idle mind or just purely an over active one… But I definitely need more to occupy it with! It’s not at full capacity yet… And I don’t want it to rot away to submission and acceptance of an utterly useless existence.

The 20s are definitely your formative years. The earlier ones for your attitude and the latter regarding your career and marriage. Now for a woman this can be super trickly. Coz we got this wild card called pregnancy. But let’s leave that aside for a bit.

My 20s have definitely been the best. Think I got the most out of them. The early twenties were all about ambition, fun, focus, and a super go getting attitude. The mid 20s were a period of consolidation. Where fun turned to enjoyment, focus to experimentation, ambition to finding true joy in things and it was all about exploring different sides of me and making peace with who I am. It was a discovery of sorts and one I thoroughly enjoyed. I wouldn’t do it any differently. Now in my late 20s, when all that effort of the 1st 8 years ought to bear fruit… I find myself once again at cross roads. Once again I am reevaluating what I want from my life. Coz the decisions I make now will stay with me, hopefully, for the rest of my life. I’ve never been surer of what I want and how I want it. And I am reaching out to it as well. Then why does it feel like a mirage???

What is wrong with our country?

I constantly have this argument with dad and A about whether I can drive post 8 pm, or venture out alone at night, or walk from my house to the market which is barely 8 minutes away, and so on an so forth. And each time I give in, because as much as I hate the thought, I too agree it isn’t safe to do any of the above. But how ridiculous is that! Given we live in the modern day world where all is ‘supposedly’ equal and women’s lib happened… remind me when… 1970s??? A little too far back honestly! Well it seems to have skipped India completely because I still can't do some of the very basic simple things.

So who do I blame and 'what' do I fight to make it a safer environment for me. Not trying to be a feminist here, but for heavens sake, if I cant even walk in the vicinity of my own home without being eve teased a few times and have lewd comments passed my way, that is plain atrocious!

Read this article this morning. And I guess this is where the rant comes from:

(http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Baby-girl-buried-alive-survives/articleshow/7590590.cms ). A baby girl buried alive… it’s considered a curse to have a girl child in this country, coz at every level she is a burden. She obviously can’t take care of you in her old age (pure sarcasm). You need to protect her from the outside world coz she can’t do that herself. And to top it up, she’s expensive coz she gets married costing you a hefty dowry. What is wrong with our system! Who created it in a way that makes a woman feel weak, under valued and unprotected?

I wish to stop complaining, and aim to do something about it. Coz I have seen a better way. Stayed in Mumbai (a place that belongs outside of India) for about 2 years. And contrary to what a lot of people might think, the only reason I feel in love with the city was because I felt safe. I wasn’t reminded every 5 minutes that I am a woman and hence incapable of doing things. I did not feel the need to fight for anything. I did not feel an once of frustration. And I want to feel the same in this great city of Delhi. How that will or should happen, I don’t have the answer yet. But maybe it starts with changing the way people think.

Working on that…

How much do you want?

I’m finding it extremely difficult to figure out what I want to do with my professional life. I have had this internal battle for more than 2 years now. And over this period I have experimented with a few things, regretting some past decisions, hated my laziness and cursed the urge to always want more.

But then again… there were certain valuable lessons learnt along the way. I just started reading this book called ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, which as the title suggests, comes within the self category. It talks about how we need to learn to be content with what we have and find joy and peace in it. As much as I appreciate the thought and agree with it at some level, I dont entirely chose to follow it. The urge to want more and to push oneself is a great learning experience by itself. Doesn’t make me less thankful for what I already have, in fact it makes it easier to desire more and to expand my horizon.

So, over the last 2 years, in my search for true professional happiness, I might not have reached my goal or reached the end of my search, but I have gathered a lot of valuable lessons along the way. I leant how to deal with different people, understood the value of money, understood how hard work alone doesn’t just pay off, you gotta play your cards right as well, learnt to change my attitude depending on a situation, to not take everything so seriously, learnt just how much it matters to have a family that supports you… and the biggest lesson of all… patience.

So am still patiently waiting for my calling… but in the meanwhile I plan to enjoy every curveball thrown at me.

:)

PS – you’re more than welcome to suggest ANY career that seems interesting. Humor me please..